Hightower Lowdown

There are thieves in the streets and thieves in the suites—all kinds and all levels of crime. But the House Republican leadership, summoning all of its moral outrage and all six of its brain cells, has singled out one particular crime for national attention: slogan theft.

GOP leaders have their tights in a twist because, they allege, the dastardly Democrats have stolen one of their favorite political slogans. The Democrats recently unveiled their 2002 congressional campaign theme: “Securing America’s Future for All Our Families.”

This prompted House leader Dick Armey to call a press conference on the Capitol steps, where he harangued the Democrats for the sloganeering heist, growling, “We were securing America’s future long before they stumbled onto this rhetorical—what should I say?—hijacking.”

Of course, the real hijacking is of the American people’s political power, with both parties selling control of our democratic process to Big Money interests, then trying to appease us with vacuous slogans.

“Compassionate conservatism,” said W. in the 2000 campaign. “Pragmatic idealism,” retorted Al Gore. “Huh?” said the majority of America’s eligible voters, who voted for neither of them. If the only thing the parties have to fight about is slogan ownership, America is in a heap of hurt.