Hightower Lowdown

"Banker" and "morality" are not concepts you easily put together, but some of the biggest bankers in Europe are rushing out to insist that at heart, they are all about morality.

These declarations of personal ethics are prompted by the outrage that Europeans feel about the economic collapse bankers caused, and the obscene bonuses that they're now paying themselves. Americans are furious about the same thing, but in Europe, the greed is seen as a fundamental moral failure. The Archbishop of Canterbury, head of the Church of England, has called on bankers to "repent" for their ethical sins.

Incredibly, several bankers are defending themselves by asserting that their outsized bonuses allow them to donate to charity, thus proving their moral soundness.

Their charity defense reminds me of a story from Earl Long, former governor of Louisiana, about a rich man who died and showed up at the Pearly Gates demanding entry into heaven.

The gatekeeping angel found that this rich man had been a selfish, no-good so-and-so his whole life. But the man said, "Wait a minute, I have a pattern of charitable giving." He said he'd once tossed a nickel in a beggar's cup. Plus, a poor woman he encountered needed help, and he gave her a nickel. Then there was the time that he put a nickel in the Salvation Army kettle.

Hearing all this, the angel turned to St. Peter and asked, "What do we do with this man? And St. Peter said: "Give him back his 15 cents and tell him to go to hell!" That's a story that every big-shot banker needs to hear...and ponder.