Hightower Lowdown

"Intelligent design" is the latest buzzword of the rightwing, Bible-thumping cultists who keep pushing to "Christianize" our public schools. But I ask you: How intelligent is the design of our world, really?

The ID crowd flatly rejects the science of evolution as apostasy, asserting that life on this earth is way too wondrous to have simply evolved. They point to Genesis as proof that a mighty God schemed it all out and poof! miraculously created our world whole in only six days. Accordingly, they insist that intelligent design be taught in our schools and be given equal weight with evolution.

Well, why teach only two beliefs? I submit that our world is pretty chaotic, often reflecting neither intelligence nor progressive evolution. "Unintelligent Design" is my theory. For example, here in Texas, we can get six inches of rain in an hour, then go six weeks without a drop. First we're drowned, then we're parched. Who planned this? Or, take tornados—does God hate trailer-park people? Why not hit some of those rich, gated compounds every once in a while?

Also, I'd like to talk to whoever designed our bodies. For example, men have nipples— what's up with that? Why are there ticks and mosquitoes? Dogs are good, but why must they drool and have bad breath? Why haven't we evolved beyond the madness of war? And here's a big one: Why would an intelligent designer produce Tom DeLay?