Hightower Lowdown

Do you sometimes fear that the American people have become as fat, lazy, and submissive as a bunch of cud-chewing cows, that we can be led anywhere the Powers That Be choose to take us? Well, if you think that We the People have totally lost our rebellious spark, let me tell you a heartening cow story. Few creatures in the animal kingdom are perceived to be as doltish and docile as your average bovine, which seems content to spend its short life standing in a field mooing, eating, and pooping—before being led to slaughter. So, imagine the surprise of people in Southern California to learn that a herd of nine wily, wiry, and wild cows are loose in the canyons and brush of the Santa Monica Mountains.

These are renegade cows that escaped from a rancher's pen five years ago and bolted into the neighboring national recreation area in the mountains. Though you'd think that it would be easy to track down a herd of thousand-pound, brown-black-and-white cattle in a frequently used park just across Interstate 405 from Beverly Hills, these rebels have rarely been seen, much less rounded up. How could such lumbering sirloins-to-be avoid detection? It turns out that even slow-moving farm animals never really lose their wild side. One park ranger who has seen some of the wild Santa Monica 9 reports that they are elusive, cunning, and surprisingly fleet of foot. "I came close to them," he says, "and they just took off running like a deer might if you were to get too close."

If these feral rebels are captured they will have to resign themselves to their original fate, the meat market. The lesson here is that we all have the seed of insurgency within us, ready to empower us to break loose from the confines of the corporate order and live life on our own terms.